May.18th.2011

I would do anything to make mine and Jeremy's relationship work. We hit a bump in the road, and i did something that i should have known that i shouldn't have done. So we took a break, but we are slowly working things out. And I'm so glad that we are.  Cause i don’t want to lose him, he means way to much to me.

Honestly , in my past relationships i wouldn’t have cared.. i would have just let it end and have it done with.. but with Jeremy its different. I don’t want it ever to end.

Il hopefully be seeing him Friday or Tuesday. So that me and him can sit down and talk , i have so much that i want to tell him. And i want to know how he really feels about me, I'm still a bit worried that i feel more about him than he does me.. When we didn’t talk for those couple of days i had a lot of time to think. The feeling of not having him killed me, it felt so useless and i honestly didn’t care what ever could have happened to me.

I have been writing a lot of poetry again .. It’s been a while since i have done so. Its probably because of all the emotions i have been going through lately . I just have so much to write down, i guess it helps me recognize what is really going on in my head. Because some times i don’t even know what is happening .

Mom said that i should start joining groups to help me, she says that she is worried about me . So i am signed up for a grief consoling group, and a relaxation training group. Makes me feel like a manic.

Hopefully I’ll be moving into town soon, it will be much more easier for me and my family . Mom says there is nothing out here for her anymore .. i can tell she is very lonely. And it hurts me to see her like this.

Deeeeep deeeep deeeeeeeep down  , i feel really sad. I don’t know why.. i just do. I think i just need a big hug, and someone to have a good talk with, and just lay there. I don’t want to talk to strangers.. i rather talk to someone who can be there for me, and that i can trust. Any volunteers? … I can’t wait until summer.