January. 21st 2013

Feelings... Oh how they can tear you apart at times, esspecially when you are alone. I've been so isolated in my own world for the longest time, I have no idea what it feels like to have close friends anymore. When I was with tyler I thought I had friends, but they were his friends not my own. So when me and him split up, there was no one left for me to talk to.

It hit me so hard back than to the point where I just gave up. I didn't bother trying to make any new friends because I thought i was so close to those people that I hung out with almost everyday.. but it was almost fake, I cared about them and I would have done anything for them if they needed me. It was almost my imagination and than as soon as I came back to realitiy they were gone.

Making friends seems a lot more difficult these days, not just the people you meet and talk to once in a while, but I mean the people you can call and wake up in the middle in the night just to tell them how you feel and that you just need to talk. I've gotten so used to being alone and not having those people to talk to that its starting to feel like it is the way its supposed to be, but as I sit here thinking... who am I going to tell when i'm having the worst day or someone other than my boyfriend. Its nice talking to joe but sometimes I just want to rant about everything with someone and I've done that so much with joe that it feels like I've over done it.

I think the only thing I need is a "coffee buddy/ texting buddy" Someone who i can just say "hey lets go for coffee i got some bitchen about to let go of" or someone I can text and tell them how annoying the person sitting next to me is.

If only someone could really see how much I've grown as a person, and realize I'm not that bad of a girl. lol

I read over my blogs that i've had in the past, and i literally had a flavor of the month of a guy, which is HORRIBLE, but i mean i was young and didn't know what a relationship really was, now that i've settled down and looked at a realationship its something i can stick with alot easier.

I wonder what a person would really think if they read my blog right now.. through the tears, the pregnancy, the eating problems, the constant jump between people.. if only people knew.